A Harry Potter Christmas
by HeartsHungBehind
Summary: Crack fic using the rhyming prose from "Twas the Night Before Christmas". Definite slash, mild language, AVPM reference. What would Harry do on Christmas Eve with his best friends and a sexy Slytherin boy we all know and love?


**A/N- This is most definitely the biggest piece of crack I have ever written. Read it if you're looking for a laugh, but seriously, don't flame me for just throwing words together because that's basically what my friend Ali and I did when we wrote this thing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any part of the Harry Potter franchise. If I did, there would be more Drarry.**

**A Harry Potter Christmas**

Twas the night before Christmas  
and all through the castle,  
Harry Potter roamed  
without the slightest hassle.

His friends Ron and Hermione  
he went and woke  
so they could travel under  
the Invisibility Cloak.

They explored all the rooms  
of Hogwarts School.  
They even found  
the hidden swimming pool!

There they saw Voldemort  
casting a spell  
on an unfortunate student  
whom they knew so well.

Hermione whipped out her wand and,  
with an annoyed yawn,  
she flicked her wrist lightly.  
Poof! The Dark Lord was gone!

Draco jumped up, shouting  
"My hero!"  
But he flew past Hermione,  
that Mudblood zero!

The blond threw his arms  
around Harry Potter  
and gave him a kiss that  
couldn't get hotter.

"I just saved your arse,  
you little douche bag!"  
Hermione flipped out,  
beginning to nag.

"Shut up, already!"  
Ron said with a scowl.  
"Or I'll slap you so hard that you'll  
start to howl!"

So Hermione shut her  
big ugly trap  
as Harry pulled out the  
Marauder's Map.

"We can go to the kitchens,  
but we must make haste!  
Not a single Cauldron Cake  
can go to waste!"

The four ran down the hallway,  
past the library,  
when a peculiar thought  
dumbstruck poor Harry.

"Draco," he asked in a  
confused tone,  
"Since when have you  
wanted me for your own?"

"Since the day we met,"  
Draco said with a laugh.  
"And now that Voldemort's gone,  
nothing stands in our path!"

"We'll be together forever!"  
Harry said with a grin.  
"And if that's the case,  
let the snog-fest begin!"

The two flew to the wall,  
kissing and groping each other,  
but Hermione stepped in,  
always playing the mother.

"Come off it, you two!"  
she barked, pointing a finger.  
"If you want midnight snacks,  
we mustn't linger!"

So the boys separated,  
both giving a smirk.  
They knew full well  
they'd go back to their work.

They continued to run through  
the halls, on the double,  
but quietly so they would  
not get in trouble.

They approached the portrait  
and tickled the pear.  
It gave a giggle and moved,  
fast as a hare.

On the inside they found  
Christmas treats piled high;  
Tea cakes, dick pudding,  
cherry and apple pie.

They licked their lips;  
It all smelled so sweet!  
The House Elves approached,  
to feed and to greet.

Ron and Hermione ate  
to their hearts' content.  
Draco and Harry kissed until  
they were spent.

They washed it all down  
with a butterbeer swig.  
Ron stuffed his robe pockets  
because he is a pig.

Bellies full of  
holiday sweets,  
they left the kitchen  
and all of its treats.

"So," Ron said, mouth  
still full of chow,  
"What in the world are we  
gonna do now?"

"We could go to Dumbledore's  
office in a flash  
to try and find his  
Christmas cracker stash!"

They went to the gargoyles  
at a quick jog.  
to get inside, they yelled  
"Chocolate Frog!"

Up the stairs they peeked  
through the door crack.  
They saw Albus dressed as  
Santa, carrying a large sack!

He dumped the presents out  
under the tree,  
where Severus sat shouting,  
"Don't empty your sack on me!"

Harry, with a laugh,  
tumbled through the door.  
There was Snape, butt-naked,  
sitting on the floor.

"Ah! Shield your eyes!"  
Harry yelled to his gang.  
The four ran to the hallway  
as their hearts gave a pang.

Mentally scarred, they returned  
to Gryffindor Tower,  
where Harry kissed Draco and  
Ron sat with a glower.

With the room full of silence,  
except for lip smacking,  
the ginger was stewing and  
again began snacking.

Ron, with his mouth full and  
quite deep in thought,  
said, "When you aren't such a bitch,  
you're kinda hot."

He leaned toward Hermione,  
hoping for action,  
when two other Gryffindors  
caught his attraction.

It was Padma and Lavendar  
in skimpy nightgowns!  
They each winked at Ron  
to dismiss any frowns.

"Never mind, Hermione,"  
Ron said, pulling away,  
"I'll just follow them  
and have a three-way."

So he left as Harry  
brought Draco to bed,  
and Hermione felt a pat  
on the head.

It appeared to be Santa!  
(The REAL one this time.)  
When he saw the poor girl,  
he started to rhyme.

"Don't worry, my dear.  
A friend will choose you someday.  
And I guarantee its not  
the one that's gay.

"Now buck up," Santa said.  
"You can work through the pain."  
Then he flew up the chimney,  
leaving just a candy cane.

Hermione sat by the tree,  
smiling at the light.  
She decided to enjoy her  
Christmas Eve night.

**The End**


End file.
